*This blog post, ike all of my writing, it is generated without the influence of AI.
Planning to Stay claims that coping activities and caring activities are distinct. Sometimes the same activity can be deployed for coping and caring.
Coming face to face with one of my most guilty-pleasure - and most motivating - activities helped me to realize how this is true for nearly any activity. Even content from BravoTV.com.
So Excited, So Ashamed
This summer, I was invited to participate as an audience member for a taping of Watch What Happens Live. For a rundown of what it was like to be in The Clubhouse, check out Tim Marcin's Mashable piece.
While the bubbly, tea-soaked show is built to help viewers forget about their day-to-day, it does occasionally acknowledge reality. For this particular taping, they acknowledged that educators deserve to be celebrated; the audience members were all teachers.
I scored a seat because the audience producer, whose mom is a principal in the Midwest, invited me as an off-air guest-with-gift for the teachers in attendance (all attending teachers went home with copies of PTS in addition to their copies of It Ends With Us just before things got scandalous).
The fact that I was in that audience is bananas for several reasons:
Getting tickets isn't a thing.
I am a Serious Person.
I secretly love Bravo.
[stops typing to brace against the collective eye roll/gag reflex of all serious people everywhere]
I willingly yelled "Rate...That...Thirst Trap" with 20 of my esteemed colleagues. I chose that. That was consensual.
Coping vs. Caring
In PTS, I define a coping activity as one that pauses one's discomfort momentarily but doesn't change things for the better over time (think mindless online shopping). A caring behavior, on the other hand, may or may not feel good while you're doing it (think, building a realistic budget), but when you're done, you feel better than when you started.
When I facilitate groups of educators (I'm a serious person, remember?), this is one of the ideas in the book about which I field the most questions: "I thought coping was good?"
Coping is good - especially when we think the alternative is not coping. But if all we're doing is making choices that feel good in the moment, and putting off the tasks and activities that will make our world more bearable over time, then we're in real trouble. We've created a cycle in which our world is worse, so we need to cope more, so our world is a bigger mess so we cope more...
Bravo as Coping
A few years ago, I went through a rough time. I mean, a really, really, really rough time. There were so few positive neurotransmitters swimming around in my brain that I reached for whatever I could access. I was working full-time (a serious job) and in school full-time (a serious program), and life was happening in many of the cuel ways it can. There were a few weeks in there during which all I could do at the end of the day was flop in bed and let the predictable screeching of rich people fighting with each other about meaningless offenses lull me to sleep.
And I am grateful for the time I wasted. As anyone with crushing depression or anxiety can confirm, sometimes our inner worlds are seething hellscapes. The Bravoverse helped me make it through to another morning, and I am forever grateful. And, I was still coping.
Bravo as Caring
I excercise every day. This is a non-negotiable for me. It helps me manage chronic pain and depression, and without it, I truly can't function. I know, our collective fat phobia may have you questioning my exercise habits based on my body shape, but I've got the resting heart rate, functional brain chemistry, and double middle-finger-extension bicep curls to prove it.
As a classroom teacher, it was unrealistic to join a group exercise class every day after work. So I brought the gym home. A rowing machine, a strider, a spin bike, weights. I found Bravo TV during the many hours I'd spend sweating in place.
I layered a coping activity with a caring activity to ensure that I kept up with the caring activity; garbage TV was a way to think about something else as I got my requisite sweat on. I was more motivated to work out hard when my brain had something other than actual ideas to focus on.
These days, this strategy isn't just for workouts. I keep Bravo shows on... often. Now, relax, I still listen to non-fiction books and brainy podcasts. The Bravo assist comes in handy anytime I need to be doing something I'm not particularly excited about doing when my brain also needs a rest from serious things.
Bravo is my body double. I sort laundry with #BelowDeck playing in the background. I pick weeds with #RHONY* or #RHOA looping from my laptop on the porch. It doesn't matter what season or what episode. If I need to crank through some chores to make my world a little better, if I need a little effervescence in my cup-of-serious, it's all Bravo.
Coping or Caring? You Decide
You know your world best. You know what activities sort into coping vs. caring, and under which circumstances.
Do you need to become a Bravo superfan to maximize your self-care capacity? Please. Let's be serious.
But, also, don't knock it till you've tried it.
* Full disclosure, #RHOSLC is too much for me. Too cringey, too criminal, too weird a portrayal of my home. Which is I why I'll never reach "super fan" status. I'm ok settling for clubhouse fan girl this one time.